Please No More
by EmpressKona
Summary: Kenshin has left to wonder once again. One by one everyone else leaves too. Kaoru is alone with a deadly secret someone wants, what is the secret? Will Kenshin save her? KxK of course
1. What Is Lost

OK All here is the start of a story I was thinking of writing. please take a look at it and let me know if I should continue. If I get enough positive feed back I will clean this chapter up and post the next. So even if you dont want to review please drop one with at least a yes/no on it for me, k?

**Chapter 1**

**What is Lost**

There was nothing left. No love, no pain, just the numb sense of nothingness. It often surprised her that she never felt anything, she knew she should but she couldn't. It was her body's defense against insanity. Oh how life must hate her. Kaoru was 18 when he left. Once again to wonder, now 3 years later she had learned not to trust, not to love. She had been alone for 1 year, Sanosuke left to make a name for himself. Megumi went to Kyoto where the need for a doctor was greater. Yahiko was the last, he left after the first attack, he left to go find Kenshin but there was nothing that Kenshin could do. It was the disease of defeat that ate her; it plagued her mind and weakened her body. She knew it was only a matter of time before she followed her parents.

It was one of those quite days, it had snowed the day before and now the world was covered in a soft blanket of white purity. She sat alone on the porch looking out at the front gate unmoving. The perfection was lost to her, her heart was stone and a heart of stone could not see beauty. She knew they would come today. They came around this time every month. When they came they would find her still sitting there unmoving, just waiting.

It was around mid-afternoon that they finally arrived. Their movements slow but powerful and purposeful. There was no need for them to hurry; they knew she would be there. She felt the sight change in the air well before she saw them enter the gate. She was almost surprised to see only three of them this time, almost; surprise would take feeling something that Kaoru no longer had.

The first to enter bowed low in a sick show of respect, his dark hair momentarily obscuring his dark eyes. "Good day, we have come for an answer."

For a moment she did not answer. She continued to sit on the porch as if she hadn't seen them. Then slowly, with great care she rose to her feet and bowed back. "Good day, the answer is still no." It had become a game of sorts. They would come, they would greet her and then ask. Every time she would then greet them back and then answer with the negative. Every time would produce the same horrific results.

Neither Kaoru nor her guests made to move, they both stood looking at each other blankly. The game would continue, "You know the consequence for your answer."

"I do, but my answer stands."

With slow purposeful steps she walked to him tell they were but inches apart. Then without a word he raised his fist and struck her on the temple, an unspoken reward for her lack of resistance. When she woke in the morning she would find her body bloodied and battered sprawled out on the dojo floor. It was the routine. She fought it in the beginning. With all her will and training she would but she came to learn that it was pointless. She would never yield. Though they may kill her she would never yield to them.

Slowly she raised her body off the floor, the metallic smell of blood in her nose. Silently she moved with jerky movements toward the door. No tears, no anger. Just routine. She went and bathed herself and wrapped herself in a kimono opting to leave her hair down to hide the worse of her showing injuries. In the begging she went to the police, but the police would not help her, her neighbors shunned her, the town ignored her. She was an unwanted shadow. No one knew who the men were or why they would hurt her, they didn't want to know either. It was best not to get involved. They suspected though, the men wore government issued uniforms they were the law. She thought once to run away but she knew they would follow, they would always find her and they would always win.

Yahiko thought Kenshin could help. Kenshin couldn't though. It wasn't their strength that was the greatest treat it was their intelligence. When she was 8 her mother died leaving her in the possession of the knowledge of a secret. Her mother and her where from a long line of miko's that held a secret that one man wanted to know. One man who haunted her steps trying to ware her down. He could not kill her for then the secret would be lost but he could tear her soul tell she caved into the pain and begged release. He waited and he tortured but he wouldn't kill.

It was a two months after that she was visited by the man behind the horrible encounters. She had only seen the man once before but once was one to many times. It was this man who came to her first. In the beginning he had offered her power and riches when she had declined the nicer offers he began to send his brute strength to try and beat it out of her. Like every other time the small group of men found her sitting silently on the porch waiting for them. Though she did not see _him_ at the time she could feel his presence and knew that this time was going to be different. Still no matter what they did she would not yield the information that they sought from her.

"Good day, we have come for an answer." The man called from within the gates. He stood solidly and with an air of readiness.

"Good day, the answer is still no." Unlike other times she rose to her feet and turned her back to them. Unlike other times her voice held slight hostilities. "I know that he has come, let me change and you can take me to him." She slowly walked into her home silently followed by the man. It was as the man began to set foot her home that she began to feel discomfort. "Please sir wait outside I do not wish for you to enter into my fathers home." The man hesitated but waited patiently by the door. He knew she wouldn't try to run. She was long past the point of trying to run.

Once changed into a black kimono with silver butterflies and a grey obi she obediently followed the men out into a waiting carriage. It swayed gently as it made its way farther away from town. This man had a reputation to uphold and couldn't have the public seeing him involved in such a matter.

It was pointless, there was nothing he had that she wanted, and there was nothing he could do to change her mind. Life was once so simple so beautiful. Now an angry cloud of truth had set upon her shoulders. There was no protection to be had, life was but what it was, harsh. It was about the time that the hard wooden seat began to cause discomfort that they finally stopped. One of the men opened the door and helped her down from the carriage. It took but a moment for her eyes to adjust to the bright light of the unseasonably warm winter sun. Standing before her was a man who stood with great authority and grace. His deep chocolate eyes sparkled with false welcome, his lips turned up into what some women may have considered at attractive smile. Kaoru new better, she had seen those eyes turn cold with malice intent and that smile drop into a scowl that always proceeded pain.

"Good day my beautiful dove." He took one of her out stretched hands and gently rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, his eyes never leaving her impassive face. "You give me great happiness by gracing me with your presence." They stared each other in the eyes steel blue measuring deep chocolate, deep chocolate challenging steel blue. It was Kaoru who looked away first. He had the power, not her and that only made his smile widen.

"Good day, to what do I owe this great pleasure? A man such of yourself has much to do, you are but wasting your time standing here idly with me." She sent him a hard glare and pulled her had way from his grasp.

It was his rich laughter that caught her off guard. It was an awful sound full of mocking glee, and the cutting edge of promised reward. She frowned when he once again took her hand without cause and pulled her against his tightly coiled chest, his other hand rest against her hip holding her in place. She could feel his bunched muscles that betrayed his air of polite indifference. "You have been quite troublesome my dear, you withhold from me the information I want. To long we have been playing this game and I am not a patient man." She could not see his face for he had lowered it to her neck; letting his harsh breaths caress her sensitive skin. "I offer for the last time freedom, turn my offer down again and I promise you, you will wish for just the beatings."

Taking in a steady breath she stared straight ahead at the forest over his hunched form. Calmly with out betraying her slight unease at the unknown she once again gave her never changing answer. "I stand true to my answer, my answer is no."

Kaoru was slightly caught off guard when she was thrown to the ground her head hitting a rock, a boot firmly planted on her chest. She looked up only to have her heart clench with forgotten fear. His face was scrunched up with an angry growl. His eyes spit fire and deadly hatred. Every muscle of his body stood taught with furry. He was the devil himself, keeper of the seven hells, and he was promising her pain. Through tightly drawn lips he spit on her face, "You will regret that decision for the rest of your life I promise you that."

Her eyes widened with fear as he ripped his sword away from his waist, swiftly cutting her down the front. The pain shot threw her body like liquid fire and she involuntarily let out a soft whimper of pain. Her clothes fell to the side leaving her body naked and exposed. There was no one to save her from the mad man. She was alone and at his mercy. He made true to his promise for the rape was only the beginning of the hell he submerged her in. When her body could take no more it finally gave out and she willingly opened her arms to the release of oblivion.

One lone angry tear slid down her pale bloodied cheek. Her last thought was of the man who always saved her before but no longer could. _Kenshin…_


	2. Broken Dreams

**Chapter 2**

**Broken Dreams**

The sun slowly peaked over the horizon chasing away the dreams of the sleeping. The dew clung to the earth as night changes into day. A new day brings new begging's but for some they would rather stay within the safety of sleep. Kaoru was one such person. It was with great reluctance that she swam back into the world of consciousness. She hesitated for a moment in the state between sleep and wakefulness. She knew she wasn't going to like what she found but her groggy sleep filled mind couldn't remember why. The first thing she noticed upon waking was the over whelming soreness in her lower body and the sharp pain that plagued her entire being. She struggled to sit up in bed only to realize that what she had assumed was her soft futon was actually nothing more than the soft snow, and it was cold. Shivering slightly she took in her surroundings, she was in the middle of a clearing in the woods laying on the soft snow stained red with her blood. Then she remembered. She remembered with uncensored clarity what that man had done to her. She couldn't help but wish she were dead. Death was preferable to the humiliation and the pain she felt. She was an unclean woman now; they had committed the ultimate sin against her person. For a long moment she sat propped up by her hands staring at her blue tinged battered body, watching her breath slowly materialized in the cold-fringed air to dissipate a second later. She sat and let the truth of the horror sink in. She had been raped and severely tortured. She wondered fleetingly what day it was and how long she had been unconscious. Was it only the next morning? Had she been out longer? Days even? Slowly she stood up wobbling as her feet tried to remember their purpose. Life was truly cruel to her.

It was midday before she made it back to her dojo. It was slow going do to her injuries and the need to stay off of the main road so as to keep her naked body from prying eyes. Once within her home she collapsed into a heap on the floor and let her body cry out its grievances towards the injustice inflicted upon her.

"Why mother, why!" Kaoru screamed with the pain in her soul, "Why did they do this? Why must I be the one to bear this? Why me? Why mother, why am I left here alone to face this?" She sobbed and pounded the floor in pain. It was an ugly hatred that consumed her. A hatred for the man who did this, for her mother who gave her birth only to have her face hell, for herself because she couldn't do anything about it and for Kenshin because he wasn't there to save her to comfort her.

It was hours later that she dragged her body into her bed. Tired from crying and tired from her struggle to get home. She was cold. Her body was cold from being exposed to the elements and her heart was cold from being exposed to so much cruelty. She slept through that evening and into the next day. Only rousing to relieve herself and drink a little water. It was the next evening before she finally got up to attend her wounds and bathe her body. She sat for a long time in the heated bath tracing the wounds she could see and remembering how they had come to be. The burn marks from the heated blade they had ran across her stomach that both cut and burned her once delicate skin. The puncture wounds in her arms and legs where arrows had been shoved through her soft skin. And the ripped flesh from being dragged by a horse across the ground. He had done all of it as his men had just sat back and watched laughing. They enjoyed her pain.

Once clean and mended she downed her emotionless mask and sat late into the night on her porch. Kaoru the once fiery woman was now truly a broken doll.

The next two weeks past without any grand events, her healing body had made it to the market and back twice. She had stopped once to speak with Tae but didn't linger for fear of tarnishing her reputation. Tae was very concerned for her. She was the only friend Kaoru had left but Kaoru wouldn't let her get involved and Tae didn't know how to help other than to offer her sympathy.

It was after the second week that Kaoru knew there was something wrong. Her monthly cycle that was always on time was for once a week late. She was never late, her cycle was like clock work. Sheer panic gripped her being when she finally realized the conclusion it brought her to. She was pregnant, pregnant with the spawn of the devil. It was the salt on the already open wound. Not only was she to face rape by the awful man but also now she was to give birth to his child. Unbridled furry consumed her being and she lashed out destroying the majority of her sparse furniture. The air was filled with her pained screams of anger. Insanity consumed her, her eyes wild and unseeing. Her tirade of destruction brought her into the Dojo itself. She stood for long moments staring at the plaque on the wall designating her as the assistant master. Memories of the proud girl she once was filled her. Memories of happier times with her father and with her adopted family consumed her. She used to smile. She used to be happy. An image of a man with hair like fire and gentle smile swam into her mind evoking dormant feelings. Quickly snatching the plaque off the wall she rushed back into her room where she filled a small bag with her belongings. She knew they would find her but she didn't care. All that was important was that she got away from this place, away from the painful memories. She would go to Kyoto and see if Megumi could help her. Megumi was a doctor she might be able to help her get rid of the unwanted child. There was nothing left for her here. She would go to Kyoto and then wander tell she was killed, death would be a release that she craved.

Standing outside her home she set a torch a flame and stood staring at her home. It was dark out and the cold bit at her skin. The winter chill could not compare to the frozen state of her heart and soul. "I'm sorry daddy, I failed you. Please don't hate me." She whispered into the breeze. With one chocked sob she threw the torch into her home and then watched for a moment as the house quickly spread into flames. The house glowed with the light of the fire signaling the finality of her decision. She could never go back.


	3. Familar Voice

Familar Voice

It was along walk but she had little money to spare. Not nearly enough to get her to Kyoto by boat. So walking was the only answer. Kaoru had but one small bag strapped to her back and her bokken tied to her side. She figured it would take two weeks to get there. That left her with a whole lot of time to think about her situation. And she really didn't want to think about it. Her only hope was that Megumi would be able to help her. She changed and threw her hair up in a bun under a straw hat in hopes to avoid being recognized as a woman. The last thing she needed was for some baka to try and rob her or worse. She trusted her skills enough to believe that she could ward off any unwanted attention but it was still better to try and avoid trouble. She was still healing from her last visit from the enemy. Her greatest fear was that they would know about her relationship with Megumi or even Misoa but then they had showed up the year after Megumi had left and she had had little contact with either of her friends.

It was dark when she arrived at a small town three days out from Kyoto. It was a small farming town with only one tavern. She had run out of food the day before and was now famished. She had hoped to be able to avoid stopping but her hunger won the argument and so with great care she headed to the small tavern. It had not snowed in a couple of days but the snow still clung to the ground. The streets were empty and the air was filled with a deafening quietness. She slowly made her way to the soft glow coming from the only lit building. The tavern was nestled in between a small police station and a run down home. It took little force to push open the door. She was greeted with the warmth of a fire that was burning in the far corner. She quickly scanned the inside of the small building there was a few patrons scattered around the facility and a table of a few men bent over a document talking quietly and secretly.

"Good evening stranger what can I help you with," a gruff voice startled her out of her contemplation of the situation.

"Um… something to eat and a room if you have one available." She softly replied. The man was slightly startled upon hearing her definite female voice but nodded his head no less and left to go get her food. She found an empty table away from the other patrons in a quiet dark corner. It was away from the fire but the cold didn't have much of an affect on her. As she waited for the man to return with her food she took in the taverns appearance. It was old, small but clean. It wasn't until after the man had returned with her food and she had already eaten the small bowl of rice and soup that the door was once again opened. A cold wind swept the place blowing the soft snow with-in the warm haven causing a few grumbles from the others. She looked up to see the back of an oddly familiar young man talking to the same man who had gotten her food. She could not hear their conversation nor place the man for his body was wrapped in a think scarf. She felt ill at ease. They couldn't have possibly picked up her trail yet. She had been so careful to hide it. As if sensing her gaze the man turned to look at her curiously only to have his eyes widen upon seeing her face. She still had no idea who he was for his face was still concealed within the scarf. She began to panic as he quickly mad his way towards her.

"Kaoru is that you?" The mans muffled voice called to her. Sensing her unease he cursed his stupidity and quickly pulled his scarf away revealing his face. "It is you isn't it? I was on my way back to the dojo to check on you."

Kaoru's eyes widened with happiness and shook. Before her stood Yahiko whom she hadn't seen in over a year. She felt excitement at finally seeing him again but also unease for she wasn't sure if she wanted him to see her in her current state. She smiled weakly pulling off her hat so that he could see that it was really her. "I didn't expect to see you here." Or ever again she thought to herself.

He sat his lanky body at the table and looked her up and down with concern on his face. She felt like he could see her many wounds even through her clothed form. How she wished she had not taken her hat off because there was no way to hide the hidouse scare that ran from her temple to the corner of her eye. A wound she had obtained from the red-hot sword from their last visit. She had not thought much on it but now she felt subconscious under Yahiko's intense gaze. He reached out a hand tenderly to touch her face but she flinched away moving the scar from his view.

"My god Kaoru what have they done to you?" Yahiko breathed out in bewilderment. Bewilderment that quickly turned to shame, "I shouldn't have left you, I should have stayed."

It hurt her to see him so upset. She was filled with the undeniable urge to protect her brother figure. She was honestly happy he had left so that he didn't have to continue to watch her be degraded. If he had stayed they would have killed him, that was something she wouldn't have been able to stand, "No Yahiko, I am glad you left, there was nothing you could have done, and it wasn't as bad as you think." No it wasn't as bad, it was worse but she never wanted him to know that. It was her burden to bear.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the dojo?" Yahiko's face was full of childish curiosity. It brought a smile to her face something that felt foreign. Before she could answer the man brought Yahiko his meal, the same she had just eaten. He paused to look at them curiously before returning back to his chores. She said nothing as he ate happy to just sit and enjoy his company. It was nice to see him but it also brought back lots of memories of old times, happier times, times she tried hard to forget. They sat long into the night talking, catching up. She could tell that Yahiko could sense her reluctance to speak about what had happened so he dropped the subject to talk about other things. He had just come from Kyoto to ask Misao's help locating Kenshin. He had arrived in a town ten months ago who had seen him just two days before his arrival but he was never able to find him. Two more times their paths almost crossed but both times he was too late. He stopped to talk with Misoa and Aoshi and then had planned to return to help her. They were the last ones awake so the silently went up to their rooms with plans to leave together the next morning.

It was before dawn when Kaoru awoke. Hours before Yahiko would awaken she felt guilty as she trudged out onto the road to Kyoto alone. She had told Yahiko that she was going to the mountains to hide, she hoped he could find it in his heart to forgive her. She spent the next three days on the road not stopping in any towns. She stayed to herself not wanting to run into anymore-familiar faces. It was midday on the third day that Kaoru wondered into Kyoto. She stopped at a local Inn near where Megumi was located. She didn't want her to see her in her travel warn garb. After a quick bath and changing into a deep red Kimono wrapping a red shawl around her head to conceal her scare she headed out to see Megumi.

The streets where full of people out running errands laughing and talking with their neighbors. Young children playing tag darted in-between the feet of the adults. Such happy people with normal happy lives. It hurt her to watch their interactions. She could never feel that at ease again. She wondered not for the first time if this is how Kenshin felt. An Outcast, someone who was intruding on the world, tainting it. She arrived at the designated address quicker than she was prepared for. She stood and stared unseeingly at the front of the small clinic. She didn't know what she was going to say to her. She hadn't thought about it tell then.

"May I help you?" A very familiar feminine voice asked from behind her. Her heart caught in her throat, she wasn't ready yet.

Turning around she tried to plaster her old smiling face on but it felt strained and fake. Now wasn't the time for Megumi to learn the truth. "Megumi.." No friendly greeting, no teasing just a name but that was all she could get past the lump of dread that had formed within her throat.

A/N I know I know this chapter is really short that and not the well writen it seems very choppy to me but I have mid terms and projects and stress...hehehe... dont we all! Anyways I wanted to put out something so hear it is I originally planned for a much longer chapter but I haven't had the time to work on it hopefully after Thanksgiving I can put out a longer chapter. Thanks all for your reviews it keeps me motivated.


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